You’ve had this feeling right? Your to-do list feels like a million miles long, tasks keep piling up, you can’t quite wrap your head around your life, and every time you get a spare moment, instead of being able to cross something off your list, you’re paralyzed by the indecision.
Ok, if you haven’t, congratulations. Please tell me your secret.
I think there’s something about February where this feels extra hard. We had the goals we wanted for the year, which we have either abandoned, or realized it was so much bigger than we expected, so we just…stop. This is truly so relatable it’s painful. If you’re someone who cares about your world and has people you love and causes you believe in and a job and a family, there are times in your life where it will start to feel like things are running away from you. Like balls could be dropped or are being dropped.
And that’s what puts you in that overwhelmed state.
The brain science behind this is pretty clear. We enter this paralyzed state when our fight or flight reaction is activated. So the key to movement is calming our nervous systems so we can move again. And let me be clear on this, freeze (as in fight-flight-freeze-fawn) is a separate state that according to polyvagal theory is what happens when you run out of resources to fight or flee. Freezing for most folks is actually a version of fight or flight. The freeze state is borderline catatonic and bare minimum. You don’t feel panic in freeze, you feel numb.
To change this and actually start doing something on that dang to-do list, you have to prove to your brain that you have the skills and resources to move. And I have a two-step that will help alleviate this and get you moving again.
One, start with a mind map. Write your name and a circle around it and that’s the center. Then create branches of the areas of your life. From those branches you can get even more granular about what the specific projects or tasks are that you need to do. You can capture everything at this point, or you can just capture specific projects or tasks that are top of mind. This process can take anywhere from 10-20 minutes and I highly recommend having a parking lot notepad next to you because you will remember more tasks and things that have to happen as you’re recalling all the things in your life. (If you want to see me do this, I made an Instagram post about it!)
Now, you might panic more. Ok, this is when you get to practice some nervous system soothing. First, breathe. Truly it seems so simple but it’s effective for a reason. Take deep breaths until you feel the grip around your chest start to loosen. This takes me about 4 deep breaths, but if you’ve got a particularly acute response right now, it may need to be more. Second, I have a trick for your nervous system. If you’re still feeling overwhelmed with your mind map, hold your arms out to the side like you’re doing a big letter T. Without moving your head, look at your right hand with your peripheral vision until you sign, swallow, or yawn. Then do the same to your left hand. This opens up your field of vision, which helps your nervous system go out of its tunnel vision and helps it realize you are safe, and we don’t need to focus on some threat in front of us (at this point, a piece of paper with a lot of stuff on it).
The point of the mind map is to give you an overview of what you’re managing, so you have a visual representation of everything. This expands your mind’s vision, similar to how you just expanded your physical vision. You won’t miss anything because it’s all in front of you. It’s also a way to help the parts of your brain that take in big picture information, which will help you with the next part.
Now for number two, the details. You’ve likely been caught in the details a lot and that’s why it feels overwhelming. The details feel like bricks that as they pile up they get heavier and heavier. But when you take a moment to zoom out like you did with your mind map, you get a chance to see what areas are important to you and what needs to be addressed first.
So, looking at your mind map, what areas of your life are the most important to you. Not what is the most pressing or has the most items, what is the most important. This is not a woo-woo way of getting you to focus on your values, this is a tangible and direct reminder of your priorities.
Over the years, I’ve learned I need to come first, so if I need to schedule therapy, a workout, or time to read, I do that first. Then my family is next, so I tend to the grocery list, the items I need to procure for my son’s new activity, and take 10 minutes to tidy the part of my house that needs attention. After that, it is usually work and other volunteer obligations.
Work in the areas that are important first, and address the things that are causing you the most anxiety. “Go towards the pain” is a refrain for discovery not only in recovery communities, but also in what can cause us the most relief. Start there and you’ll feel the relief immediately.
Some bonus tips:
-If you don’t know exactly how to start a project or task, you likely need to break it down more.
-Call a friend or turn on a YouTube video or TV show and get some body doubling.
-Rest after a bout of focused activity to help your dopamine go back to baseline.
-Good ways to restore health include breathing fresh air, drinking water, and eating carbs.
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