We’re 6 weeks into the new year and I have So Much To Tell You.
First, I’m pregnant!
I’m 17 weeks along with my first and am so excited. My husband, Andrew, and I have been diving into the deep end with learning about all the ins and outs of growing a human. My first trimester knocked me back a few steps, but I was able to keep up a relatively regular work schedule with a lot of downtime in the afternoon and evening. There were a few weeks where I could do little more than hang out with CJ and the gang from The West Wing while I ate sandwiches and drank fizzy drinks. But now I’m in the second trimester, which has given me tons more energy (ok, a little more energy, still growing a human here), and allowed me to bring vegetables and coffee back into the dietary mix. (Don’t worry, it’s decaf. I stopped drinking caffeinated coffee a few years ago.)
We’re managing the road of genetic testing, picking names, and narrowing down stroller selections, but all of it has been the most incredible experience. I know not everyone has this, but I have been very fortunate that this pregnancy has just deepened my relationship with my husband and created even more intimacy than we thought possible. And our little human isn’t even here yet!
Second, I took on the role of Managing Director for my much-beloved client The Seagull Project.
I worked with them back in 2013 as the Production Manager for their first production. Once I started my second year of graduate school in 2014 I had to take a big step back and missed out on the chance to travel to Uzbekistan with them. They hired me in 2015 to do some strategic planning and then to run a company retreat. In November, I accepted their offer of becoming the Managing Director and it has been one of the most whirlwind learning experiences I have ever had.
Now I’m not only consulting for arts organizations, but I’m also actively managing one. My reactions to some manager’s ability or inability to handle something is based on experience, not just academia. I’m starting to form some new theories and practices in regards to other theatre managers and administrators around town, so be on the lookout for those as they emerge from the oven fully baked.
Finally, I wanted to share my big goal for 2016.
In the past I was all about making resolutions. They looked like typical resolutions like “lose x lbs” or “read a billion books” (<–this one was easier for me). Now I’m trying on a slightly different take and picking one quality or word to describe the feeling I’m trying to achieve in the year.
2016’s word is Sovereignty.
For me, Sovereignty is more than independence. It is an independence that is more proactive, more aware, and more loving. If I am sovereign, then I don’t rely on my husband for emotional validation, I don’t judge my worth on my weight or the success of my business. I operate independently of other people’s opinions and judgments, secure in my own integrity and practices.
So far, I’m doing well finding Sovereignty and maintaining a critical mass of it. The times that I fall off, I have several support systems that help me find it again including talking to loved ones, journaling, and meditation through breathing or exercise. Even this I’d like to become more sovereign so if I lose a sense of Sovereignty, I can rely on more internal processes than external processes for finding my balance again.
I think Sovereignty is particularly important as I bring a new little one into the world. I watch parents who define their whole selves (or most of their selves) by their children, and most of those kids end up going to graduate school to become therapists so they can learn how to detach themselves from their parents. I’d rather be the parent who screws up her kid in ways that don’t fully fund a friend’s therapy practice, but rather add to it by being the easy client that comes in for a tune up once a month.
Andy and I are already having lots of conversations about how this looks, though we know it will be a lot of on-the-job training and having to pivot for situations we never thought of.
Personally, I can do my work to be as whole and healthy as possible so when these situations happen, we’re managing my stress or anxiety as little as possible and giving our babe or each other the attention we need.
More to come as new clients and new life lessons unfold.